Haircut Day

May 15, 2022

I need a haircut and I just remembered that people made a big deal over celebrities and politicians going to salons during the pandemic. Instinctively I understand the frustration – we were all told to stay home, by these same people, while they’ve got a different set of rules for themselves, but now I feel differently.

Of course the only reason I feel differently is because it’s nice to know there’s likely still human feces left on Nancy Pelosi’s desk, fucking up the expensive manicure she got after that guy who couldn’t button his shirt took a shit in her office.

Like most people I also got a different kind of haircut over the last couple of weeks. The nice thing about having already lost money “investing” is that when it inevitably happens again like it has this month, I get to act like I saw it coming and that it’s just part of some process. I get to step out of a little time machine and console myself and say, “heh, don’t worry kid, we’ve always been a loser.” And then I bend over and show my weathered ass. My worn out, leathery loose ass hole. I’ve been fucked before. I know how it feels. Hell, at this point, it’s just a pleasant memory.

Or something like that. I don’t know. It’s gay to lose money. It feels bad.

What’s funny though is the same thing happens every time crypto or stocks shit the bed. Every dickhead in the world can’t wait to get online and gloat about people’s losses. And, like, you know, me personally – I’ll be fine. I’m not so stupid that I invested so much that I can’t still get PS5 should the opportunity arise, but there’s a lot of people that are outright destitute now because they got fleeced by monkey pictures, and I really don’t understand the posturing towards these folks as if they got what they deserved.

You gotta be really fucking stupid to think a picture of a monkey is worth 200 thousand dollars. Like incredibly fucking stupid, retarded even. And I mean that literally. I think a lot of these folks are literal retards and regardless if the like, I dunno, computers or whatever the fuck makes the monkey pictures is destroying the environment, I just don’t understand how you could feel anything but sad for some guy who’s wife is walking out with the kids and all he has to his name is a cartoon ape.

And at the same time the same folks gloating about the market crashing turn around and demand student loan forgiveness. Isn’t buying a monkey picture and taking out a massive loan to get a degree the same dumb kind of purchase? At least, aren’t they rooted in the same kind of desperation?

I’d also like to see the carbon footprint of four years of college. The rape kits alone have to be rivaling an Ethereum transaction on how much computer power it takes to do all that DNA sequencing.

I think a lot of the anger stems from some hidden desire to see the monkey picture retards succeed. If there weren’t a time when they were above water – if we didn’t have six months where it was possible to change your life buying a stupid jpeg – people wouldn’t be so mad. You want them to prove theres a simple way out, that you shouldn’t need the degree or the job. You want them to prove you can just gamble on a drawing and win. But they gave you hope and took it away and you’re mad at the victim. It’s like being the guy that cleans Nancy Pelosi’s desk and cursing the brave man that smeared his feces on it instead of being mad at the woman that necessitated turning her office into the people’s toilet.